Post About Blogging

When people find that I keep a blog, they’d inevitably ask the same questions:

‘What is your blog about?’

‘Where do you find the time?’

‘Is everything I say and do going to end up in your blog?’

No one has ever asked me why I blog at all. Though if I was honest, I don’t remember what caused me to blog my first post ‘The Worth Of Man’. Just simply that the thought I had at the time was so clear and strong, it seems a waste NOT to write it down and share with someone. ANYONE.

Overtime, I learned that blogging help to clarify my thinking and rationalise my emotions. So when stress levels rise with unrealistic deadlines at work, dealing with difficult retailers, domestic arguments and another last minute cancelled booty call from the boy (yeah everybody’s busy) – that I turn to writing.

If you have a habit of pondering like I do, especially just before falling asleep – when you review events of the day – then blogging is simply a natural outward expression of that internal exercise. Contemplation helps us to accept reality and plan for the future but tempered with lessons from the past. In mediation you would come to realise that every so-called relationship is going to be tainted with Daddy issues and scars from first love. For me, the enjoyment of the first relationship is because that was one the few times I felt emotions associated with love, without the cynicism and bitterness that I now carry around.

The above tendency to write down personal thoughts requires observation of human behaviour in others and myself. No, not everything you do and say will end up in my blog and identities are protected. However, most good writings are generally based (inspired?) on true events. I couldn’t make up half the things in my blog even if I was so inclined.

Sharing is another essential feature of blogging. You are putting your views out there for public consumption. (Assuming there are people actually reading your posts). Writing also requires self-reflection, which is a polite term for self-absorption. But it is a way bloggers arrive at a justified conclusion or form a particular value. The paradox of blogging and other social media platforms is that strangers understand your insights without ever seeing what you look like in real life.

However, at a basic level, I think one reason people blog is to fulfill our innately human desire to leave a part of ourselves behind.

 

The Pursuit Of Happiness (Part 2)

Cue marriage. The ring. The proposal. The wedding. The dream house that you both built. In addition, you are never alone on weekends or Valentine’s Day even if that involves sitting at home and watching TV.  Such bliss. You wonder why the heck you would ever miss the crazy single dating scene.

There you are. You just had another fight with your husband over some silly matter. Do you even remember what it was about? Oh yes, he was peeved that he had to wait while you had a haircut. So you tell him to stop being selfish because you would have waited for him to get a haircut if the situation was reversed.

Maybe it was about something bigger like how you see the other person’s responsibility towards his/her own family as a burden and an obstacle in life. Or it could have been about a small matter like who actually does the laundry more often. You know it’s petty but you actually keep scores on these things.

It doesn’t matter what causes the argument. The ending is the same. He plays his PS3 game while you blog.  Somehow, if you knew what marriage could turn out to be – boring routines, lack lustre sex, and short lived affairs- would you have tied the knot anyway?

Probably yes. The paradox of human nature is that we always think the grass is greener on the other side even after we jumped over the fence. Try as we might, we don’t seem to be content with what we have right now. It doesn’t seem to be in our genes.  

Yet once upon a time, we were happy in relationships. In the beginning when discovering the other person’s interests, preferences, habits and dislikes were a delight to us.  Perhaps we need to return to that sense of innocent wonderment again.

The above is not an argument supporting short term flings where the end arrives after the butterfly-in- stomach effects wear off.  But neither should you stay in long term relationships just because it is the right thing to do.

When entered into with a right purpose, relationships allow opportunities to grow one’s character and learn wisdom regardless of how long they last. However, many people tend to enter into relationships because they are bored, lonely, sexually frustrated, pressured and even worse, think they are in love. Rarely is anyone actually happy when they start a relationship. For those who THINK they are happy, they actually DON’T want a relationship because they are already satisfied and content by themselves.

Given all these scenarios of single versus coupledom, and all variations in between, it seems that happiness lies not in obsessing about whether we have or should have someone or not, but in choosing to focus on ideas and goals that are outside of ourselves. Become an expert in ancient Greek philosophy. Execute that business idea you had nursing for a while. Attempt to climb Mt Everest. Keep coming up with new inventions no matter how impractical it sounds. Find a cure for cancer. Feed the hungry masses.

One day, if you are lucky enough to meet someone who shares the same ideas and goals, do not stop your education. Team work is another skill that you can learn. Teaching another and growing together has its’ own satisfaction that you cannot experience as a single person. When such a circumstance arises, the reason for a relationship seems right. Thus then, the pursuit of happiness becomes the pursuit of lifelong learning.

The Pursuit Of Happiness (Part 1)

According to Socrates and the American Constitution, the pursuit of happiness is an inherent human right. But first, we must find out what makes us happy and if last year’s study of 45,000 iPhone users by the London School of Economics is a true indicator, then making love is the number one activity that brings us joy. This is followed by sports/exercise and then concert/theatre. (Whatever happened to eating good food?)

While we could draw the conclusion that there are lots of sexually frustrated British people out there, we would also have to acknowledge the obvious – relationships are what make us truly content. Yet when I step back and review this concept of happiness, I found that it is the pursuit of such human connections that have caused misery more often than not.

When we’re single, we complain that all men are liars and cheaters and all women are gold digging princesses. Symptomatic of the modern dating scene is the multitude of games we play in order to ascertain if the other person is being honest and sincere with us. Hence, decoding cryptic text messages and emails and dealing with hot/cold behaviour from your current date becomes the norm.

Thrown in to this confusing mix are encounters of the casual kind and suddenly, the dating scene turned sleazy. While you do have a high libido and can enjoy sex without accompanying tender feelings, you’re still not exactly thrilled when he flips you over for another who will drop to her knees faster than you can say ‘bed mate’.

But you know the booty call arrangements well. You no longer expect any contact after sex. You don’t care that he doesn’t support your personal or professional endeavours. You laugh out loud when he acts  surprised after he learned something personal about you or when other people tells you things about him that you never knew.  You pretend it doesn’t bother you that he’s trying to impress other women by being funny or telling you what he thinks of other women’s appearance. The strong cocktails help you deal with it all. Attention from other men helps even more. (What Daddy issues?).

The game goes both way too. For him, while the sex is exciting, he always wonders when she’s looking so innocent and sweet while talking to other men, if any of them is doing her as well. Sexual possessiveness is only natural after all.

On the other hand, such a tryst allows you to cut out over half of the pretenses in the dating game. You don’t have to act interested in his boys’ weekend at Formula One. (Actually, no women I know would be really enthused about it because if you were dating him, you wouldn’t be happy that he spent a weekend without you). Neither will you ask for details about his private, invitation only party to a wanky Bondi club nor where he goes riding on his motorbike. In return, he’s not going to ask any questions about who’s hitting on you when you go out drinking or if your male acquaintances are really platonic. You know he doesn’t care.

It’s also refreshing when the ‘relationship’ feels honest enough for you to tell him you want try a new position and if he could just ease up a bit so you can bend your legs a certain way to make it sweeter for you. Awww… thanks.

Naturally, emotional distance is a must. Being cynical and jaded helps but the ultimate method is to remain unavailable until you become…

The Boy/Girl Friendship

Can men and women just be friends? Ahhh, the ever popular question that plaques us since creation and/or evolution of humans. If you are asking without an opinion already, then either you are attracted to your friend or you are feeling insecure about your current hottie’s friendship with the opposite gender.

Real friendship consists of care, kindness and understanding without any physical attraction whatsoever. Since these qualities are generally present in most healthy romantic relationships, it is not much of a stretch to add sexual desire into the mix at the next (drunken) opportunity.

In my experience, the answer is an unqualified ‘no’. I’ve had and still have male friends that I would go for meals with on occasions and always in a group. Some of them would call me once in a blue moon just to talk. I’ve never had a male friend that I always hang out with, you know, the ‘shadow’ friend.  The friend who would deliberately seek you out in group settings and hang out with you. The friend who would call to see how you are recovering from your illness.  The friend who offers you a lift home because he cares.

To be fair to others, since I’m an only child, making friends does not come easily to me. However, I do manage to obtain female friends who do all those things above and would call me if I were running late to meet them because they really enjoy my company. So what happened to male friends? Is it arrogant of me to claim that the only time I really know men is through romantic flings and/or sexual trysts?

Yet, I have observed ‘couples’ who strongly claim they are just friends. I see them hang out at every single social and work events. I see them sit next to each other in the office and have coffee/lunches together frequently. Even others at work speculate about them and yet they deny all sexual attraction.

Search the Internet and you will see a clear split in opinions on this topic. Some people offer stronger opinions than mine and say that that those ‘couples’ as I described are actually friends with benefits (FWB). Personally, I’m puzzled that such a relationship exists. Logically, if you have friendship plus attraction, why bother with FWB? Suck it up and just go for a full blown romance.

In contrast, F-buddy arrangements are simpler to understand and maintain. Shag mates have only physical attraction and nothing else. Not even friendship. Usually, a good f-buddy is the handsome, arrogant, non- committal guy or the hot looking,  emotionally damaged and unavailable girl. They don’t know much about each other beyond bedroom prowess. Indeed, they do not even know that the other person is flying interstate until they booty texted him/her.

However, this is not to say that some form of platonic friendship can’t exist between men and women. I know heaps of male acquaintances and colleagues and they’re terrific. I don’t discount the benefit of hanging out with them at work or wherever. So while men and women can’t really be friends, we can ALWAYS keep things friendly with each other.

Confessions Of A Social Misfit

You were her. You were the girl with the braces and glasses in school. The one who sat at the front of the classroom. The teacher’s pet. You were a permanent fixture in the library. You wore clothes that didn’t match because they were second hand from charity shops. You made few friends and fewer boyfriends.

It didn’t matter to you anyway. Being an only child of a single Mum and a refugee to boot, you were guilt tripped into chasing after good marks to worry about being sociable.

It is only now when you are more experienced that you realised just how much our culture encourage and nurture the idea of ‘fitting in’. To be validated as a fully functioning member of society, you need to join the club – get married, get laid, get invited to events. If you happen to find yourself alone, then it is your fault. You have to figure out what is wrong with you, not with them.

Maybe, just maybe, you are too good for them, the human race. Maybe you are holding out for something more extraordinary – a deeper connection, more ennobling association. People will say that at best, you are a snob, at worst, a passive aggressive loner with a God complex. But you ignore that. After all, shallow friends and promiscuous fuck buddies are easy to find if you set your sights low enough.

Here’s the rub. Since society has conditioned us to seek approval from others – report cards, performance reviews, and compliments from shag mates – we all fear to be alone. Because then who will tell us in the middle of night that our insecurities are not real?

Furthermore, we are inherently a tribal society despite how uncivil we can sometimes be to each other. Even a caveman living in an isolated area will travel far to seek a mate and other cavemen. So being alone, especially for an extended period of time, can be psychologically damaging because it goes against our very human nature.

Yet we all must learn to deal with it because regardless if you are a social misfit or a popular extrovert, throughout the span of a lifetime, there will be periods of loneliness. Therefore, the ability to deal with being alone is an important skill that many us have yet to learn. The trick is to slow down. Sit. Breathe. Mediate. The wonder of making it work is that when you can accept your own company, your insecurities will have less power over you.

Inevitably, loneliness will still find you. It always does. But it will always leave you too. That, at least, is good news.

That Funny Feeling Called Love

It is a universal belief that love resides in the heart but arguably love lives in the imagination.

For it is in the mind that we perceive a ‘someone’ to be more special than the rest. We dress them up with positive attributes so if our love object is plump, she is considered ‘cute’ but if her friend is the same size, then SHE is ‘overweight’. I am all for pretty, eloquent lies from whomever that I am shagging at the time because (believe me), I can spot the flaws WAY before the other person point them out to me. Hence, what I desperately need is reassurance (at least the focus to stay on my good points) rather than blunt truths. However, I DO draw the line at flights of fancy or make up fantasies.

Knowing what I know now, I find the notion of romantic love to be an unnecessary cultural construct that adds no value to human relationships. It is only because I believe there are other, more real emotions that exist between couples like attraction, affection and sexual possessiveness (even animals have this instinct) that we don’t have to label as ‘love’. Of course we don’t ALWAYS feel those emotions ALL THE TIME. Indeed, those emotions are felt only 50% of the time while the other 50% of the time is spent dealing with feelings of insecurities, fear of rejection and abandonment stemming from unresolved Daddy issues.

The more cynical of us would say that all the above feelings – healthy to toxic – are not real because it is simply a cocktail of chemicals that won’t last long. Ever heard of the term ‘sexual chemistry’? Yet from childhood, we are still taught to seek ‘the one’, a person who will fulfill us in all ways—romantically, sexually, intellectually, and otherwise—for the rest of our lives. Thank you, Fairy Tales and Hollywood.

However, in a world with such staggering rates of divorce and infidelity—not to mention the untold number of individuals languishing in less-than-completely-fulfilling relationships—it is worth questioning whether lifelong monogamy is actually a realistic expectation for most people. Thus for some people, a succession of temporary but exclusive relationships—often referred to as “serial monogamy”—offers a kind of solution to changing needs and desires. This fluctuation in human emotions is another proof of love’s non-existence. For if love is eternal and constant – so we’ve been told – why do our feelings change?

Dealing with the above clash of reality versus the ideal brings disappointment to millions around the world yet like Virginia, a lot of us still believe that Santa Claus exist just as certainly as love.  The conflict arises because we have not successfully compartmentalised the concept of love from real life. Reading romantic fiction books is an enjoyable pastime for me because I know that particular experience occurs in imagination ONLY. Don’t get me wrong, I love imagination. Without the imagination to believe in love, the sun will not rise. Instead we will simply see a ball of gas moving across the atmosphere. Similarly, without the notion of love, Shakespeare could not have written so well and Mozart would not achieved much success.

Yet, does that mean relationships are doomed just because we cannot commit to them for a long time? I doubt it. The existence of a relationship at all is testament to our deep seated desire for the human touch, either on a physical or/and an emotional level. This is because we comprehend that life is already difficult so why make it harder by living alone? Granted, companionship is not the same as the ideal of love but perhaps, in this world of complicated emotions, that maybe as good as it gets.

Gender Relations – How It Should Be

Oh dear, yet another article on gender relations that adds no further clarification on how to bridge the gap between men and women. While it provided great entertainment on my long train ride to work, it did make me think if there is validity in the author’s argument.

The premise of the article is simple. Men are sexually weak, easily confused creatures who walk around feeling constantly horny because of the clothes or lack of clothes that women wear. The explanation is biology. According to the article, we women know we have this sexual power over men so for some of us, we dress provocatively to say – ‘you can look but you can’t touch’. This message is more powerful and ‘hurtful’ to those men who are unable to attract women. In reaction, these men behave in a disrespectful manner and in response; women give them ‘attitude’.

Wow! If ever there was a more unhelpful article on male and female relationships, I don’t where I would find one.

Firstly, if we allow the logic that biology makes men promiscuous, then we also must accept that biology makes women sexually monogamous. But isn’t this assumption the very first obstacle that the feminist movement try to break down? Doesn’t cultural conditioning play a strong, if not stronger, factor than biology?

Secondly, are we assuming that ALL women are attractive to ALL men ALL the time and thus grant ALL women sexual power over men? Perhaps the men I hang out with are more selective but from what I observe, the answer is an empathic ‘no’. They think that a lot of women probably look better when covered up.

Which brings me to my next point, the reason that women react negatively towards some male attention is due to a realisation that they have been unsuccessful in attracting the attention of their target audience. Now, I don’t know if that truth makes you feel better about receiving a rejection from a woman but it should level out the playing field a bit. Women don’t have it EASIER by flaunting it either. We do it hoping to attract an appropriate mate (whether for short term or long term) and being humans, we DO feel rejection keenly (as men do) when the ‘right’ mate ignores us completely.

The original feminists have the right idea. For women to live free, we have to become less needy on the approval of men. In other words, there is no need to ‘flaunt’ just because this patriarchal society have brain-washed us into believing that it is the only way to attract a mate. Where have we gone so wrong?

However, freedom of choice is still more preferable than oppression any day even if that choice brings undesirable result. The key in making the correct choice is to take responsibility and become accountable. You cannot control how others’ behave towards you but can control your own behaviour.

So ladies, if you choose to dress a certain way, please accept that there are men other than your target who will pay attention to you. If this makes you feel uncomfortable, then please do some growing up first, before you enter the dating scene. Otherwise, smile politely if you catch a man staring and then move on if you are not interested. You would be surprised at how effective that simple technique actually works.

By the way, I may sound sarcastic but if there are studies out there done on men and women’s behaviour in reaction to women’s clothing, then the world is seriously broken and my perceived condescending sarcasm is the least of our problems.

For the men, step up and be empowered sexual creatures. Do not let this society conditioned you into thinking that you are helpless victims of your own biological impulses. Look at those women whom YOU WANT to look at and not just because the goods are on display (i.e, YOU get to control your own behaviour). Perhaps, make the women work a bit before you ogle them? That way, you minimise the risk of you being the unwanted male attention that she has to reject.

My point bears repeating, you cannot control others behaviour BUT you can always change your own. While cultural conditioning and biological urges are strong, they can never be stronger than the two most enduring human characteristics of all time: free will and intelligence.

So The Journey Begins

Finally, I am sitting down. I’m slowing down my pace but I know it is only temporary because I have just started on this journey. The past few months have been hectic but I have also loved it.  Time management takes on a new importance along with emotional discipline and physical stamina too.

As I mentioned in my previous blog post, I was moving into a new house and starting a business at the same time while holding down a demanding full time job as a corporate accountant.  They have both been launched but not finished. The house took almost two years in total from design concept to building completion yet it was still not ready to be a home when I moved in. Lights were not yet installed, wardrobes were not yet designed nor built, windows were still bare, paintings are still in boxes waiting to be shown off and the damn landscaping (a source of my current frustration) is still incomplete.  However, when I stand under the rain shower, twirl around in front the full length mirror in my built in wardrobe (finished two weeks ago) or eat at the long formal dining table, I know it’s been worth it after all.

As for my business, it is a result of an on-going project that I have been engaged in for the past few years: the first formal import operation of Thanh Long coconut candy from Vietnam.  The steps are simple. Buy the stock from the manufacturer and import it into Australia. Yet to get to that stage involved the crucial expansion of production facilities such as upgrading manual processes to machines and building modern factories.  We had to drive these changes for them to occur.

Hence, since 2007, there were many short trips back to Vietnam. The first trip was to float the idea. The second was to source machines from China. The third trip was to set up the infrastructure for the export operations. Finally the fourth trip was to put everything into place. Packets and wrappers were re-designed to suit our overseas Vietnamese customer target. Website was set up. Contracts with shipping agents were signed. Still, it took a few months before the first shipment arrived in Australia.

As a result, Thanh Long coconut candy now sells in Asian grocery stores throughout Sydney in the following suburbs: Cabramatta, Canley Vale, Canley Heights, Bankstown, Marrickville, and Parramatta. We have plans to expand to other states and cities as well. What’s the population in China again? You can read the marketing spiel about our business and products at www.thanhlongcandy.com.vn.

But why so much work? I hear you ask. Why this product? Why not go to another coconut candy manufacturer? Like Steve Jobs (RIP), I believe in the product I sell. It is the best in Vietnam as evidenced by various gold awards it has garnered throughout its’ 30 years history and is of higher quality than other competitors. Meanwhile, I’ve had informal feedback and requests from friends to bring the candies over. Also, Thanh Long is part of my family. As an ambitious woman, I had to utilise this opportunity. I know that to many people, selling candy is not glamorous but tell that to the ultra-wealthy Lindt family and see if they agree with your view point.

Above all else, the reason I chose to do this is because like most people who lead lives of quiet desperation in their daily routine, I am looking for some inspiration. This project will do for now.

 

What’s My Name?

For those of you who don’t know yet, it may surprise you to find out that Diana is not my birth name. I think it is because I was born in Vietnam and not in Australia. So when I arrived in Oz and introduced myself with my long, unpronounceable Vietnamese name, other kids would inevitably make fun of it proving my theory that children are only ever blessings to their own parents.

At the time, I was kind of an emotional, introverted, ultra-sensitive kid (I guess some things never really changed), I promptly thought of an English name. Frankly, I was also getting sick of teaching other people how to pronounce my name anyway.

So I thought, what could be more English sounding than Diana? Can you appreciate the clean simplicity in my thinking back then? Henceforth, my name became Diana. In Australia, any citizen can adopt an Anglicised name without changing it formally through the Birth, Death and Marriage Registry.

How easy my life should become and how I was proven woefully wrong. Over the years I had to endure hearing my name pronounced for the first time as ‘Diane’ or written as ‘Dianne’ or ‘Dianna’.

I have also heard various apologies from people after I corrected them and sometimes painfully seeing or hearing them getting my name wrong – AGAIN.

To this day, it remains a mystery to me how people can get such a simple name wrong. Perhaps Lady Diana has something to do with it? In this world of celebrity worship, maybe we simply cannot say the name ‘Diana’ unless we are talking about THE Princess Diana?

So in this very public blog, I am going to teach EVERYONE my name. It is as follow:

D     I       A     N     A

I repeat:

D     I       A     N     A

Third and final time lucky:

D     I       A     N     A

 

Please remember the ‘ah’ sound at the end.

A good way to remember it is to imagine the sound you would make it when you finally understand a difficult concept….like how to pronounce my name properly – ‘ahhhh’!! Got it now?

However if you do find my name still too difficult to pronounce, you always have the option to shorten it to the letter D. It will now be my default response if you get my name wrong.  

If you STILL mess it up, then you are either too mentally lazy or childish and hence not worth my time.

The Refugee Problem

During the week of 21 June to 24 June, the landscape of reality TV shifted and rather than the usual bimbos running around in bikinis engaging in pointless conversations, SBS aired a rather political (i.e, not suitable for slutty watchers), arguably controversial and definitely passion stirring four episodes about six Australians embarking on a journey in the footsteps desperate fleeing refugees. The ‘twist’ with this show is that these participants have strong prejudicial views on refugees that represents a big proportion, in fact, I’d say majority of people in Australia. If you don’t believe me, just tune into any popular talk back radio stations or watch any popular news affairs show.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get a chance to watch the other 3 episodes but I did get the gist of it from reviews and feedback afterwards. As expected, the participants’ views about refugees did change after their experiences with the horrors that real refugees went through BUT they all held the belief that Australia should STILL determine HOW migrants enter the country. This is a good proposition.

Yet, a recent personal example shows how immigration laws are actually ineffective in practice. Imagine that you are successful business owner with 200 employees and an annual profit of $500,000 who wish to go overseas for a year to study English and get to know a foreign culture. You submit all the correct forms and went through all the legal interviews only be told by Australian representatives that you are too rich to enter the country. They question your motive in leaving your business for a year to study in Australia.

But of course, they have found you out. Your real motive is to leave your young wife, 2 kids, 2 cars, 3 houses, and 2 factories so you can over stay your precious Aussie visa and struggle as a non- English speaking migrant seeking permanent residency. You are from Vietnam and thus carry a stigma. Oh well. You can always apply to go to the ‘poorer, less advanced, less enlightened’ country like Singapore. They only accept people with money and a proven track record at business success.

During this whole time, more boats kept on arriving along with trashy Lady Gaga. Resentment and anger from Australians against people smuggling kept on mounting. So how do we solve this problem?

Remove the financial incentive for people smugglers and divert that income to Australia by guaranteeing those who are desperate to flee their countries a place in asylum detention centres (and air plane tickets) at a price of $20,000. You think that is too cheap? How about $50,000? We shall call this class of seekers ‘economic refugees’.

These people are moderately financially successful in their own countries but political and social circumstances prevent them from applying for a visa through the normal channel. Their situations are desperate enough for them to spend their whole life savings on a dangerous trip to another country. So let’s remove their risks for a price. We can always refuse their applications if they do not fit the criteria.

It also means we also have to change our viewpoint about these refugees. Every time I talk to Australians on the boat people issue, they always have the same conclusion: ‘these asylum seekers are rich’ in a tone of voice that dripped with contempt until I ask them if it’s better to have people with money who can support themselves entering the country or to receive poor refugees that the state has to care for. By creating a class of economic refugees, Australia can attract more hard-working, ambitious and more importantly not too needy migrants. In short, they attract more people like me.

You see, we have invested too much time and money into our new lives to waste it. We put up with a bit more hardship and sacrifice a few things that white bread Aussies take for granted. When classmates or colleagues invite me to go out, they would most likely receive an allowance from their parents, while I would be spending my government allowance – well, the left over amounts after I have helped to pay our household bills. As soon as I started working, my Mum drummed into me the importance of saving up for a house (for both of us to live together) while most other Aussie parents would be happy that their kids are showing ‘independence’ by saving up for their first car.

Indeed, after we purchased our first house, and I as further make progress in my career, the financial responsibilities kept on growing. While my contemporaries may be happily furnishing their own apartments, I was busy furnishing the house for my Mum and I. Yes, it is always, ‘my Mum and I’. There is no clear distinction because in the end, everything benefits both of us equally.

Hold your pity for me because the lifestyle I described is very typical of a migrant family anywhere in the world. Being the first family in a foreign country, we do not have the luxury of having an established wealth and I mean ‘wealth’ as in a modicum level of comfort that allows independence from government financial assistance. So we cannot abandon our parents to retirement villages because our parents can’t afford it anyway. The least we can do is to help our parents obtain public housing from the government but a higher call of duty requires that you help them with a house, a car and a decent living.

Understand that doing the above will make you fall behind your peers. You will have to sit and listen politely while they rave on about their latest exotic overseas adventures for the 5^th year in a row while you know that taking regular holidays mean less help for your parents.

While the average person get marry and have children with a little bit of effort, if you do the same, a little bit more effort is required. For a start, you can count on zero support from your parents. In fact, you may have to assist them. Fancy dresses, hair, make up, and accessories for them cost money. If you have chosen a partner who is also an economic refugee, you can also count on zero assistance from him and his family. So you swallow the bitterness as you hear stories about other women’s husbands and their families giving the bride jewellery, money for honeymoon OR at the VERY least a bed as a gift.  

But bury the bitterness so you can unleash it on the unsuspecting world (well on the 10 innocent people reading this blog) because those things are not as important as moving towards your own goals. The mate that you chose is simply a useful partner. He has the skills that you need. He is in the same class as you so there little ego clash. More importantly, you both share a common purpose. Perhaps that is all a successful marriage needs to stay long term.  (There was one chance for real happiness but the risk was too great and the cost was too high to bear).

Do the maths and you will realise that the struggle for financial freedom is never fair. You accept the fact and as a result become more driven. Petty jealousies and grand passions both do not move you to change your course. How can it? Everything you have now and in the future depends on you.

However, I know that if I lose it all, I can build up from scratch again. Fear of financial losses and poverty do not fill me. I am familiar with it. I will be broken but I can push on to eat instant noodles, wear second hand clothing and travel far to sit quietly in a library (do they still exist?) for amusement. Nothing soft ever comes out of difficult situations except weariness. Hence, when I leave this earth, I want the following statement engraved on my tombstone: ‘HERE LIES DIANA LE. FREE AT LAST’.

My story is not told to evoke your compassion but to illustrate my point that being an economic refugee is NOT a crime.  Australia needs more greedy but hard working people. We are a rich country. We don’t HAVE to share the wealth. We simply have to INCREASE it.

We could also encourage a brain wave by attracting wealthy, talented workers from overseas but the infrastructure and incentives required would be costlier (but still need to be pursued) than setting up the framework necessary to take in the right type of refugees. I understand the difficulties of implementing such a programme may mean it will never become a reality, but it is simply an idea.

However, this blog, like the mini-series documentary, is not meant to solve political issue nor sway you to become soft so we can all hold hands and live without borders (wouldn’t that be grand though?). It is meant change your perception on the issue. Understand that not all refugees are poor and needy and see that as a good thing. See also that people smugglers are not so evil. Similar to the ring leaders of the Bali Nine group who are now awaiting execution, they are simply looking to make money.  Thus, in the pursuit of money for Australia, maybe we can solve this refugee problem after all.